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A Problem with IceBreakers
A Cautionary Tale for those who would Welcome Warmly
Content Warning: This piece references stillbirth and child loss.
Last week, I shared my frustrations about the structure of most meetings at my school. This week, I’d like to dig deeper into one specific aspect of that frustration: opening rituals, also known as “icebreakers,” “warm welcomes,” or any number of other monikers.
To be clear, I’m not inherently opposed to starting meetings with some sort of shared activity to get everyone focused and engaged. A well-designed opening can serve a purpose: aligning participants, setting the tone, or preparing for the work ahead. However, these rituals often drift into hollow exercises — done for the sake of doing something, or to “get everyone talking.” That’s where the danger lies: poorly thought-out rituals can cause unintended harm.
An Illustrative Example
A few years ago, I attended a small meeting around this time of year. Because it was December, the facilitator decided to begin by asking everyone to share something they were looking forward to about the holiday season.
People went around the table, sharing predictable responses: time with family, holiday travel, festive traditions. When it was my turn, I chose to…
